


Mad Max: Feline Road

by ChestnutBrumby



Category: Mad Max Fury road, Mad Max Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, Eventual Max/Furiosa hints, F/M, Furiosa has a soft spot, The wives are cats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:05:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4468178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChestnutBrumby/pseuds/ChestnutBrumby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mad Max modern-day AU where Joe dies and leaves his five cats to Furiosa. Written for guiltyhipster's prompt on Tumblr. Yes, it's crazy, but it had to be written.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Shiny

"I'll have you know that the first time anybody calls me a crazy cat lady you five are out of here. Seriously, I'll drop you at the RSPCA so fast you won't be able to stop and smell the catnip."  
The red tabby blinked lazily up at her through green eyes, seemingly unconcerned. The other four ignored her totally - the black kitten cuddled into the white one's long fur, trembling neurotically, and the brown one slapped a lazy paw at the gold one, who hissed, turned, and fell on her opponent in what Furiosa really hoped was a play fight. "Yep. This is just _shiny_."  
Screw Joe. Not figuratively, since the guy had been all kinds of manky, and a total sleeze to boot. Screw Joe for dying and leaving her with his freaking CATS of all things. What had he wanted cats for anyway, let alone five of them? Joe had no respect for other living things. Yet here she was, with a houseful of his cats she had no clue what to do with. She should have given them up... but somehow seeing the young cats together, she knew she couldn't. Who else would keep them all? Splitting them up seemed impossible for reasons Furiosa couldn't quite begin to put into words. Not one of them was a year yet, and the little black kitten could only be a couple of months.  
The brown girl got in a few good whacks to the gold one's head then unexpectedly took off down the hallway at a wild, skittering pace. At this sound the black kitten practically had a meltdown, fitting nervously and staring around for unseen enemies until the white cat nuzzled her comfortingly. The golden cat sat up and calmly began to lick her very round belly - Furiosa grimaced and bent down for a closer look. "Okay, we just met, but I gotta ask - did somebody have their way with you? Because you are either super-fat, or super pregnant, and I'm really hoping for the first one here since, you know, there's five of you already." The red tabby made an impressive but completely without warning leap onto Furiosa's good shoulder, winding herself around her neck like a scarf and digging her claws into her shoulder-pad. "Please make yourself comfortable." Furiosa straightened up, when the brown cat, apparently in some sort of frenzy, came scooting back down the hallway, hit the back of her ankles and nearly knocked her over as she was reaching for the paperwork that the landlady had been able to locate to give her.  
"Annnd I'll bet that was on purpose. Okay, let me look at this. Crazy cat, your name is apparently Toast. That's what you'll be if you ever attack my foot again, so, apt I suppose." Toast scrambled elegantly to the top of her TV cabinet and blinked disdainfully at her. "You must be Capable, which also seems to fit." She unwound the red tabby from her neck and deposited her on the back of the couch. "The white one is The Dag - typical cat needing a title as well as a name, may as well be Princess Dag - and your tiny scardey-cat friend is Cheedo, which could be the weirdest name I've ever heard. Actually I stand corrected, since you are, no kidding, right here on your pedigree - The Splendid Angharad."  
Toast jumped on the couch in a stealth-attack on Capable, who simply pushed her off with a well-placed swipe. Cheedo yowled in surprise as Toast landed neatly on her feet nearby. The Dag arched her back and spat a warning at Toast, and Furiosa sighed heavily.  
When she'd collected them from Joe's she'd found them locked in a stinky room with barely any water and licking the scraps around the edges of mostly empty cans. They hadn't exactly had a great start to life, and so reluctantly Furiosa grabbed her keys. Time to face the music - these five were moving in, and she'd better get prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was watching the last season of Scrubs today and Elliot totally makes a MM ref, using Max's admittedly ridiculous last name in a made-up disease. From there I wound up on Tumblr and from there to this... yup. Enjoy.   
> PS I'm working on a more movie-centric Fury Road fic, which should be ready to start posting in a week, ish. So my Nux/Capable fans, they will be in it, but it'll be Furiosa/Max centric.


	2. At the pet store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's just going to grab a bag of litter and some food, and she'll be out of here. Right?

The pet store looked bright and cheerful, as did the staff member who greeted Furiosa with a genuine smile. She had rusty red-dyed hair and blue glasses, clashing wildly with her yellow uniform. But when she asked if Furiosa needed any help, her bullshit detector didn't go off, and so she nodded and asked where the cat stuff was. Miss helpful walked her to the right section of the store - sweet Odin, were those actually doggy sunglasses on that display?   
"How'd you end up with five of them?"   
"Sort of, adopted them." Furiosa explained, leaving out the part where her sleazy old ex-boss had died and left her with his precious cats.   
"Oh, good on you! You're pretty brave though, five at once!" Laughed the staff member, pulling a folding trolley out of a stack and expertly flicking the tray into position. Furiosa blinked - like she was going to buy a whole trolleyful of cat stuff! Some food and cat litter and she'd be out of here.   
"So, let's start with food. Do you know what they were eating?"   
Furiosa flinched. "Canned food, but I think they need something better. They're a bit skinny."   
"Great, if you get them onto dry there'll be a whole lot less hassle for you. Their teeth and coat will get healthier, plus less mess in the litter box for you to worry about. Food's one of those 'get what you pay for' deals, so the cheap stuff is basically ceral with a a beak or a hoof thrown in. This one's one of the best quality foods, half a cup each twice a day is all they need. But if they're underweight, do you know if they've been wormed recently?"   
"Uh - no."   
The attendant handed her a packet. "Then do them today, clean all the litter trays tomorrow, then worm again in a weeks time, since they sound like they've come from a rough home and I doubt they've been done before. Weigh them first, half tablet if they're under four kilos, if anybody's over four, they need a whole one. Are they going to be indoor or outdoor cats?"   
Furiosa blinked. "Hadn't thought about it much but I hate people who let their cats wander into other people's yards and crap all over everything. So I guess inside, but they can come out in the garden when I'm outside." She couldn't remember the last time she'd spoken this many words to anybody. "Why?"   
"Litter trays. The rule is one extra tray for as many cats as you have but I think six trays is overkill, plus, you know, you'd have nothing but a room full of 'em. Start out with three and if anybody wants to be fussy add another. I'd recommend these crystals for the litter, they have the best odor control and believe me, you'll appreciate that."   
Oddly, Furiosa did believe her. "Have I missed anything?" She eyed the growing pile in her trolley with some dismay. The staff member flashed her a grin. "Plenty. Welcome to life of cat ownership, where they own your life and you loose all memory of B.C., Before Cats. Let's look at the cat trees."   
"Are they necessary?"   
"Definitely, unless you don't want a couch anymore. It's naturally for cats to scratch and you need to give them somewhere appropriate to let it out that isn't your pants leg."   
The biggest three cat trees were taller than Furiosa, and the tallest was so over-the-top it bolted to the ceiling for support and boasted eight platforms, nine scratching posts, two hidey holes, three hanging ropes and an honest-to-god CASTLE.   
_I must have that one_ , she thought as the attendant rambled on happily. "They also act as beds, toys, and the high ones let them sort out hierarchy issues and also make them feel safer. That's really important when they're stressed in a new environment, or one of them is a bit shy."   
Furiosa thought of the way the black kitten trembling and clung to the white fluffy cat and sighed. "What if they're totally neurotic?"   
The girl laughed. "Feliway spray. It' a replica of the pheromone that mothers produce when they have kittens. You spray it around the room daily and it calms and reassures when they stress out. It's pretty expensive though."   
She'd brought perfumes that were cheaper and in larger bottles, but Furiosa figured these five needed a little spoiling. That idea hadn't left her mind when they went through the toy aisle. "Seriously?" She picked up what looked like a Hot Wheels track. The girl laughed. "I have one of those and it's my cat's favourite! The ball rolls around the track and blinks when it's in motion. Keeps him entertained for hours."   
It wound up in the trolley too, along with a dozen plastic bell balls and crinkly mice, a hammerhead shark on a string, and a programmable laser-pointer machine. She thought the cat fountains were over the top though. "I don't even drink filtered water." She pointed out to the saleswoman, who smiled. "They're getting really popular, a lot of the time for cats with kidney problems. That's more in the males, but the girls can also get urinary tract infections when they don't drink enough too. The fountains not only filter but oxygenate the water, so it makes it smell and taste better."   
The damned cat fountain went in the trolley too. Maybe this woman worked on commission.   
"Now, another thing you'll need - brushes. Are they long or short haired cats?"   
Furiosa shrugged her good arm. "I'm not too sure. I have photos if you can tell from that? Don't cats groom themselves anyway?" She asked as scrolled through her phone for the photos. Rig, rig, workshop, stealth photo of her hot new next-door neighbor taken through the fence palings while he was washing his V8 with no shirt on, awesome sunset the other day, rig.   
"Yep, but they also get hairballs if they swallow too much of their own hair while grooming. Shorthaired cats don't require much, but longhairs are a bit more maintenance." She peered at the cat photos as Furiosa located them and frowned. "Huh, a couple of them are purebreds, funny that somebody would give them up for adoption, because they probably didn't come cheap. The chocolate-brown one is a havana, they're shorthaired, but very dense furred. That longhaired white one is a ragdoll, and they do need a bit of brushing, and so will the red tabby - sorry ,ginger, most people call that."   
"Is she a purebred?" There was no denying that this woman knew her cats, and despite herself Furiosa was intrigued.   
"Nope, just your standard moggy mix, she may have a bit of Maine coon or something in her, but definitely a mix. The black one's a moggy too, but that golden one - she's a fawn Somali, which is a pretty rare colour and a pretty rare breed. So what I recommend you need for the three longhairs is a comb like this for tangles ad this slicker for general use. For the two shorthairs, this zoom groom is the best thing ever." She handed over a purple rubber brush covered in what looked like tiny traffic cones. The tray on the trolley was overflowing by now, and that wasn't even counting the big bag of food, litter, and the box containing the cat tree on the bottom.   
_Yep. This is your life now_ , Furiosa thought as the attendant signed her up for a loyalty card and proceeded her four-hundred-twenty-nine dollars of crazy cat lady accessories.


End file.
